After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
