Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
