1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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