oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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