I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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