Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
