I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
