I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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