would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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