Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
