i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
