her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
