so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
