I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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