why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We talked him into tasing himself.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
