I can text with my tongue
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
