I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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