omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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