She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
