i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
