I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
