I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
