I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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