You can't motorboat a personality
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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