Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
