i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
