the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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