A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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