She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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