Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize