so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Mom said you looked used
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
