1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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