I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
