Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize