I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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