oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
