is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
