She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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