Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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