if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I lost the right to judge tonight
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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