When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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