Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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