Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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