Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
