I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
