At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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