Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
