If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
