I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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