fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
