i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
