Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
