okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
