If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
