I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
