how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
