We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
