3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
