Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
