Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
