forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
