Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
