im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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