smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Randomize
