Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
