Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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