I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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