At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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