Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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