shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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