Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize