Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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