found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
