Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
sarcasm needs its own font
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
