her vagina looked like bernie madoff
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
