Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
of course. lets lasso hookers.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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