I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
