There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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