Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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