You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
