I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
