Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
