Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
