You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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