oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize