Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
