He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
