So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
