I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sext me about skeletons
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
