We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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