I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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