Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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