Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
