I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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