I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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