Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
