Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
