you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
