I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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