just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I still have a little drunk in my system
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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