apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
