The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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