Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
