Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
