Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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