i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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