Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
