The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
