Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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