I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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