maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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