Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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