Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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