yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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