You can't special order awesome
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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